This week’s article:   I told him, and he left me, or did he?

(scroll down to read last weeks article)

One average day while shopping at the market a tall, tan and very handsome guy came up to me and asked me how I was doing, which in guy speak means I like you.

He had tried to talk to me several times over the past few months but I was reluctant to hook up with someone who works where I shop. On this day I was feeling particularly open to it.

I said, I’m good, how are you? Which in girl speak means, I’m good, how are you? He smiled and told me he’s seen me in the store often and thought I was cute and pretty, which I must admit I needed to hear at the moment. We chatted and he asked for my number, which I gave to him. The next evening we went to the movies. He kept telling me how much he liked the way I looked throughout the whole date. We kissed gently during the film. Ok… it was a little aggressive, but in the good way.

Two days later we went on another date, a walk in the park and cocktails. He told me he liked me a lot and that I was the greatest girl he’s met in a long time. He liked that he could talk to me and that we got along so well and that I was very much physically his type, whatever that means.  As we were sitting in the park talking and he was saying all this to me as we were looking over the calm summer waters he asked me to be his girlfriend. Just what every girl wants to hear one week into a relationship. I was floored. I said to him, you don’t even know me. He said, yes but I like you. I again said you don’t know me. He talked about his time as a marine and his innocent sweetness made me realize it was time. I had to fess up.

I sat him down on the park bench overlooking the glassy black water, the hot summer breeze blowing my hair and I said to him. We’re going to need cocktails. We jumped in the car and went to the nearest bar. I had a tequila shot and a margarita and said to him, look, we need to talk. You have got to slow down a little, I said. He leaned in over the table, folding is tan rippling muscular arms and looked into my eyes with his big brown juicy eyes and said, I really like you.

I said, hold that thought. There is something we need to talk about, I said. Not being sure if he figured it out or not, I said I’m a little bit different from other girls. He said I know. I was like, you do? He said, yeah you are cool to talk to and pretty too. I said, that’s not what I meant.

Sensing intellect wasn’t his strong suit I realized that he could blow up if I told him. I was in a public place but still I was feeling awful for ever having kissed him or even agreed to go out with him at all, but now, I had to tell him. He was asking me to spit out whatever it was that I was trying to tell him and he was running out of patience trying to guess. He asked me if was married and cheating? I said no. What then? He demanded!

I softly explained to him that I was a transsexual woman and that for all intents and purposes I am female, except for one part. He turned shiseido red. He said I don’t believe you why would you make up such a lie, don’t you like me?

I told him I did like him and that it wasn’t a lie, just a medical condition. He jumped up from the table and mumbled to himself, why do I always meet the wrong girls? I was kind of hurt, but I understood. I thought is best to get him out of there, we went back to the bench at the park and I tried to calm him down. After about two hours of him asking questions and me trying to explain he said, look, I don’t know what this is, but I still like you and I want to give it a try. So we agreed to continue seeing each other. I never heard from him after that, well, not for two weeks.

The next time I went to the market he asked why I hadn’t called him, he had lost my number. I knew he couldn’t handle it but was trying. We went out again and at the end of the date there was some sexual contact. His body was perfection but again, later that week no word from him. It was clear that he was attracted to me, but that was all. Nothing could ever really happen for us. Nothing real anyway.

Now, every time I see him in the market he asks me out and I find an excuse to be busy. I won’t be chased out of my place of shopping but I won’t subject myself to being used either. Now it has become reduced to a harmless flirtation, uncomfortable as it is.

So when you are confronted with the task of telling a man you are dating that you are different from other women in some ways be ready for a reaction. Be sure you are in a safe environment and be sure he is even worthy of this information. Many Trans women feel it's none of a guys business about her personal medical history if they are only dating, especially if she is post op. Others feel it is not honest to the man and to themselves not to be upfront about it from the very beginning. You have to do what works for you. Be safe and be gentle. It's not easy news to break nor is it easy to hear. Don't be hurt if he can't accept it. He was raised and trained to believe all women should have naturally born vaginas and no male characteristics at all. His initial reaction might not be his final opinion on the subject either. Give him some time to adjust. He just might see what a great lady you really are.